Crumple up the bad thoughts, throw them away
My fear compels me.
I’m frozen, stuck,
Walking down a dimly lit airplane terminus,
And I continue, but the carpet doesn’t end.
Walking on a treadmill that stretches out indefinitely.
I never arrive.
A thought repeating in my head,
Bouncing around like a cat on catnip.
Sometimes my brain feels like a broken record,
Scratching the melody, all the while I’m just trying to keep singing.
Do you ever find yourself in mental loops?
For me, it’s getting stuck driving to the same place.
I can picture it,
But the reel keeps spinning, that same image playing over and over,
Just a cloud, not somewhere I ever reach
Trapped in my thoughts between sleep and a nightmare,
Waking anxiety, my head in a fog.
Sometimes I want to take up less space.
Can I disappear?
I see these words and they blur together
I read them and they feel raw,
Broken skin on a page.
My thoughts bleeding onto the paper.
Some days I count, some days I sing.
Some days I take the pills,
A lot of times I forget.
The cloud goes away when friends are near.
They help keep the demons at bay.
I crumple up the bad thoughts and throw them away.
We can never know what’s coming, but it helps to know you’re near.
I never want to forget that.
You are the lens that focuses all the pictures.
You are the destination I want to reach.
Kaylee Hernandez is a teacher/administrative assistant at Valley Christian High School. When she is not keeping her cat from eating all the bugs, she enjoys painting, writing and watching The Office. Mental health has been a very important topic for her ever since being diagnosed with depression and anxiety in college. Fear and worry are definitely things she struggles with daily, and was very excited to write on this topic.
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